diner dash 2

so i just beat diner dash 2.. i live a sad life these days. i really did mean to write more often since i made this blog. now i'll try again, seeing as there's still a few more weeks left of winter break and thus i don't have anything, technically, to do.



perhaps i can recap since dec 6.. had a crapload of projects due all at once. didn't sleep. then had three finals within four days. didn't study that much but they went alright. got drunk. barely made it home in time to make my flight at the monterey airport, only to find it was delayed a day because it was the worst snow in Vegas in like 50 years. made it out to vegas thursday night, instead of wednesday evening so i didn't get to stay with crystal. was in vegas thursday - sunday... gambled a teeny bit and learned about craps. drank all friday day. saw cirque du soleil - KA -- was crazy! walking around was difficult because it was like 30 degrees. went to Tryst. got my wallet stolen and made the unfortunate choice to drink patron. was sick all saturday day and couldn't leave the hotel room because everyone else went out and i didn't have a hotel key or cash or cards to buy food, so i didn't get better til i ate at 7pm.. really sucks. went to tao that night, which was really fun though.. eventful. best part was meeting some vancouver boys with bottle service. they were really nice/naive. then sunday was waiting around to leave basically. monday went out to eat for my mom's birthday.. wine paired with four courses, was a really good french restaurant. hung around in pg and watched like 3 movies every day. so great. re-watched entourage 'joshua tree' episode. i highly recommend it. drove down to ojai tuesday. filled up gas tank for $18! had christmas here wednesday night and, thank god, got a new laptop thursday morning! ideapad u330 -- what i'm using right now. keys are a bit harder to push so i feel like i'm typing slower. and after i happened to play a free trial of diner dash 2; my old addiction came back and so i downloaded the full version. just beat it, finally. the internet is slow so i can't watch youtube or tv online. played tennis yesterday, going to take one of annie's old rackets and regrip it i guess. today, walked with lana on this really nice trail that has a view of ojai and watched wall-e.



sadly, my rough plans to visit mirelle in durango aren't going to work. ahrhan has no money. i have no money. i spent $470ish on vegas. stupid me. most of it was plane/hotel/show. i wish money wasnt an issue. but it always is. i keep thinking of schemes to make money -- selling back my books, applying to random scholarships, tutoring, getting mealpoints and saving up. im not going to work at equilar again spring semester for several reasons. i calculated i could make about $1400 working 12hrs/week. but, i would have no life, my days would be booked 9-6 every day basically. which leaves no free time gaps to schedule job interviews, group projects, etc. i think ideally i want to work somewhere i can study at the same time. too bad i didn't apply to be an SM or library booth sitter. i think they've already hired. crap.



it's strange, people's opinions on the peace corps. i think i've come to the conclusion that i shouldn't care what people think. which is hard for me. but, in general the people that are supportive are people that i like. people that i feel are like me and value the same types of things. its not that many people arent supportive, but those that seem not as excited are either really professionally, money driven. its not about success, its about happiness. because to be happy or to make other people happy is the goal, right? and i'm over trying to predict what life will hand me. i think i've changed a lot. i don't want to scan through every radio station and then pick the one that was playing the song i liked the most. i want to scan til i find a station that has something i like then stop. i dont want to need to know the other radio stations. plus, i get to listen to that song longer. if that makes sense. i want to be happy with what i have, not always trying to get better. in my brain, this idea connects with that of a career. i think the most life changing experiences are the results of something random. as long as i put myself out there and have options, something will come along and i'll just know. it'll just feel right. perhaps i have too much faith in my own intuition, but what else do we have? i know how to analyze something up and down, but in the end i think gut feelings always makes the best decisions. at least, ones you don't regret, no matter the outcome.



i think what i'm trying to say is that i feel i know what i want to do. i feel it more than i feel about other prospects, by far. and it's not to be an escapist or just put the difficult issues and decisions on the backburner. i really feel like this is what i was meant to do. yet, i will feel like a douche when i accept a stupid job offer in the next few months. perhaps i'm just subconsciously bombing all my efforts because my heart really isn't into it. that's a good excuse for the rents.



last night i was looking at old pictures til like 6am. im mentally preparing myself for graduation. but its still strange to look back and think of it as the past. although it does seem like a very long time ago i lived in dorms and didn't know how things worked in bezerkeley. i'm glad i've had such an eventful run. a while ago a couple people asked what i've been doing because my life is 'exciting and so i have a lot of crazy stories'. i never thought about myself like that. do i have a crazy life? it is pretty nonstop and the randomest things do seem to happen to me. i dont think i do. no more than any other 21 year old college student. work hard play hard. sunday-thursday friday-saturday. i dont think i've done homework on a weekend for a couple years now. i think i've made that rep for myself though. ever since high school i've been wanting to shed my shy, nerdy self. and august 05 thats exactly what i did, and i never looked back.



thats why i like to take pictures. i only remember the events a few years back, if i have photos. at least, free recall. otherwise, i need someone else to bring it up. sad. the mind is a precious thing. i think thats why my second biggest fear is forgetting. i would say, my first biggest is the unknown. unknown applies to lots of things, the future being the biggest and perhaps also death. but i dont think i 'fear' death, i just dont like the idea of not knowing. but as for forgetting, that scares me a lot. it ties into making an impact on the world and making my life worthwhile. i wish i had taken philosophy classes. though, they might've been rote memorization of someone else's bullshit and that wouldn't be helpful. i'll console myself with that. but yes, i had to grow up fast. see things that make you think about life - what it is, what is means to be alive, what to do about it. i guess it's something we all go through, just depends when. for me, early. for others, perhaps when they're 45 and have a mid life crisis. glad i already had mine. i hope.



i wonder what my third biggest fear is... i'll have to think about that. spiders, public speaking, rejection, failing... perhaps rejection. that encompasses a lot. I like the number 3. i've decided that i'm going to utilize 3's more often.. but i've always liked 3. when i wanted to be an artist as a kid, i made a symbol for myself kind of like a 3. i imagined it'd be what i branded on my cattle if i owned a ranch, too. but anyways, 3 is great for powerpoint bullets, memorizing 3 main points to emphasize, everything! its even in my email address. i was thinking about that the other day. completing my childhood dreams... what i wanted to be when i grew up: artist, movie director, financial businessperson, engineer. now, i'm IEOR and still don't know. perhaps i should be an artist like i always wanted, photographer or abstract painter. work for a movie studio on special effects then somehow become director. these dreams ended as i became more aware of money. all of a sudden i thought career meant making money. and movies arent that stable or have a clear career path. and now, i feel more drawn to social entrepreneurship. according to those personality tests that i was temporarily obsessed with a couple years ago, i should be a social worker. i'm an idealist/teacher. i dunno about the teacher part though, i'm actually quite worried that i'll suck as a teacher. i've had too many bad ones to not be scared of that. and, kids used to stare at me but in recent years they dont give me a second glance. ok, that sounds weird. basically, for example in restaurants i'd always notice the toddler or baby over the shoulder of a parent looking right at me. yes, i know kids do that, but i'd say they'd do that to me more than anybody else in the room. perhaps because i looked like a kid too. never quite figured that out. and in general, i just treat kids like they're adults, no matter how old. because when i was a kid, i didn't like being talked down to by adults. but, from an adult perspective, i think i need to have that special kid voice with them. make jokes, but easy ones. bargain, but with simple devices. take authority, when you don't have any actually. i dont know how to do that properly. i guess because i always appreciated interacting with adults that treated me as equal even if i was a fraction of their age.



hm i'm still unsure about the format of this blog. i don't like its unstructured-ness. perhaps i should google something that will throw out daily topics and then i can go off on tangents every day based on a word. its not that i cant think of any. its more that i want a theme.



i guess its nice getting to know oneself better. thats what the whole interview process does for you. but in the end, since we all change as we grow older, i dont want to convince myself that this is what i am. the more you identify yourself with something, the more you want it to be true. and on grey issues, you may end up siding just because you always have. but then again.. it is your choices that make you. so, its kind of a cycle. you make choices, choices make you want to be a certain way, you are a certain way because of these choices, and so on. crap. what if you jump into the wrong circle. cant really break out of this one it seems. unless you have a dramatic experience or intervention. moroccan christmas - the office.



too bad the land line doesnt work in here. not sure why it doesnt. i could be watching abc.com instead of playing diner dash 2. oh yeah i need to write out my life bucket list, and my berkeley bucket list. before i forget things like: learn to play guitar, niagra falls, skydive, build an island for the homeless.



alright my hair is wet and i need to get up at 830. i wish i could return to the good old days, when life was simple. no one tells you in 3rd grade to 'appreciate recess while you can kiddo! this'll be the last time you'll ever have such guilt-free, uncomplicated bliss for the rest of your life!'